From Friend to Fiancé
Jocelyn Hudon - Jessica
Ryan Paevey - Ted
Horrible font choice for the title. Is this a Power Point presentation?
Next, we get a narrator voice-over:
“That’s me Jessica Parks. I love weddings so much that all my friends ask me to plan theirs.”
Side Note: “Loving something so much” is not a valid reason to assume you’ll be good at it. For example – I love writing these movie reviews…but sadly, Pulitzer prize winners they are not.
Let’s continue with the voice-over:
“If it happens during the wedding, it’s because I planned it that way. I masterminded the whole thing,” Jessica tells us.
(Is it just me or does this sound super pretentious?)
Now here is Jessica looking fake-humble as this woman compliments the wedding, however I am distracted by the weird cupcake/present table behind them that I have never seen at any wedding ever. There’s not even enough cupcakes for everyone! Are they a gift?
Next, we find out that Jessica brought her boyfriend Rob to the wedding.
She tells us that, even though it is a little early in their relationship to invite someone to a wedding, they’ve really been jiving so she thinks a wedding can only bring them closer.
Jiving: definition - to perform a dance to popular music,
informal: to sneer at. Urban dictionary of slang: to act foolish
or joke around
Hmmm, I don’t think jiving means what she thinks it means.
Then Rob walks up to her and tells her 3 things:
He just ran into his old girlfriend and they are really reconnecting
He wants to split up
Hey Jessica, remember when you said,
“If it happens at the wedding it’s because I planned it that way.”
Yeah, you may want to re-think that.
Now we meet Ted of Ted’s Gym walking around talking to everyone. Ted used to be fat as a kid, but now he owns a gym and apparently uses it.
“Hey, I work out. You work out?”
Jess comes into the gym and tells Ted that Rob dumped her. Ted replies, “Didn’t see it comin’ huh?” which really p*sses Jess off.
(angry kitten sounds…. pffft! meow! pffft!)
He brings her a water so that she can hydrate to feel better, but she says bleh and sticks her tongue out. I’m with Jess on this one – breakups require alcohol dude.
As Ted consoles her we find out they have been best friends since childhood. Then Ted drops a bomb on her and tells her he is engaged.
Then he drops another bomb on her and tells her he is engaged to their high school nemesis, mean girl Kimberly Kentwood. (“KK” from now on).
Yeah, now she definitely needs alcohol.
Jess cannot even speak in response to this news. She just makes a little squeak in the back of her throat and looks unpleasantly stunned.
“Don’t you remember high school when you were “Big Ted” and her and all her friends made fun of you and me?” she asks.
Ted tries to convince Jess that Kim is a different person now and although she says she believes him you can tell she has her doubts.
Then Ted asks her to plan his wedding AND be his “Best Woman.”
Holy sh*t Ted, maybe you’d like her to get your car washed or pick up your dry cleaning for you as well.
Back at her apartment she tells her roommate about the turn of events. i.e. she’s been dumped, she’s losing her best friend to a troll, and she has been given an overwhelming number of tasks to do.
Roommate: “Hey why didn’t you ever date Ted? Imagine how cute your children would be!
Jess: Oh no I couldn’t! (Hmmm…now that I think about it, our children would be awfully cute…)
Watch out Jess! Ted is taken - better to just dive head first into these leftover wedding cupcakes that no one ate because they were on sitting on the gift table.
Now we are at the Caring Homes Retirement Center and Jessica is sitting with some older folks telling them about her conflicting emotions surrounding Ted’s wedding.
“Ted is a great guy and I want him to be happy, but not with KK. She was a jerk.”
Side Note: Since Jess is wearing scrubs I am going to assume she’s a nurse or a caregiver, (even though we do not see her helping any of these old people with anything the entire movie). As we will later see, she basically uses these retirees as a sounding board for her life and to help her get out of trouble. Got it.
FYI, Jess drives a tiny, tiny, clown car.
She goes to her mom’s house to wait for Ted and KK to show up and when she arrives, her mom runs to her spastically – as if she has not seen her in years and is visiting from a far-away land.
She wanders around her childhood bedroom and picks up an old photo of her and Ted. Sorry, but the kid in the photo is not big enough to warrant the nickname Big Ted.
Jess stares at the photo and sighs, “Oh Ted!” Then she falls back on her pink bed with her little lamby in despair.
“What are we going to do Squiggles?”
KK makes her appearance and we find out that she has the social intelligence of a potato flake. First off, she meets Jess for the first time since treating her like garbage in high school, and apparently thinks that a big hug is something Jessica will really enjoy.
Then she demands that Jess fawn all over Ted and give him compliments. Jess keeps it light and says “He’s cool” but that’s not good enough for KK, “C’mon Jess, tell him what a great guy he is!”
Is it just me, or is repeatedly asking someone to compliment your boyfriend super weird? (As are their expressions as they await Jess's response to this demand.)
Ahem…anytime now Jess.
So Jess obligingly stammers her way through loftier-sounding Ted compliments, (which I personally would never have done, because I don’t vomit compliments on demand).
Next stop, Ted’s backyard, where they are holding the engagement party or maybe the rehearsal dinner…I don’t remember…does it matter?
Jess explains the lay-out she has in mind for the backyard party since evidently a wedding planner plans freaking everything.
Jessica: So we’ll put a bar here, and a table over there…
KK: You know what I would love? String lights!
Jess: I was thinking the same thing!
Ted: I like that the two most important women in my life are getting along so well!
First off, Ted must have a hole in his head because these two women are not “getting along well,” they are tolerating each other.
Secondly, he should have kept his voice down because his Mom just overheard him.
“Reeeeally?” Mom exclaims as she appears in the scene out of nowhere. “The two most important women? I don’t remember seeing either of them when I was spending 12 hours in labor with you!”
Side Note: Yowch! Since Mom and KK have never met before, this is literally the most awkward way to meet your prospective mother-in-law.
They discuss the upcoming engagement party and Jess offers to pick up Ted’s grandma, (who she knows very well), and who we are now going to call Gram-Gram.
Then Mom takes KK away to show her Ted’s childhood bedroom and everyone acts like this is a totally normal thing for a mother-in-law to do.
However, since the only time I have ever seen a parent showing someone a child’s bedroom is on TV when the police are looking into a crime, this just seemed odd. Groom showing his fiance…yes. Mom and bride…no.
However, script-wise this does give Ted and Jessica a chance to be alone so mystery solved.
Ted takes Jess to their childhood treehouse which he claims hasn’t visited in years, but somehow it is still pristine clean with not a spider web in sight and all the drawings look like they were made yesterday, (because they were).
“We must have been in here a million times trash talking KK and her two bully friends and now I’m going to marry her!”
“I just can’t figure out how you kept it a secret from me this whole time.”
“It wasn’t easy. I just didn’t know how you would react. You’re my best friend, you’re an amazing women, and you mean everything to me.”
“You’re going to make me cry.”
“I’m serious. You’re my best friend and I love you. Not the same way I love Kim obviously.”
Jess unloads onto Mr. Mulligan from the Retirement home and admits to him that she may “like-like” Ted now.
She explains to him that she has begun to realize how amazing he is and how much he means to her.
Mr. Mulligan tells her, “Listen, you’re going to be spending a lot of time with Ted planning the wedding, and you need to use that time to figure out your true feelings for him. Things will turn out.”
Thanks, Captain Obvious for this very blah advice.
Now it looks like we are at the start of the engagement party/rehearsal dinner or whatever this party is. There is a table with presents on it so now I am even more confused.
Here comes KK, and she brought her mean friends from high school with her! Their names are Cruella and Ursula.
Just kidding! They’re Megan and Lauren, but they’re still nasty.
Ted arrives next and there is a telling moment when he hugs his Mom, passes over Jess, (who had moved her arms as if to hug him), and then he hugs KK. Since this implies Ted DOES NOT return Jess’s newfound romantic feelings, and since he already told her in the treehouse that he DOES NOT love her the same way that he loves KK, this movie has just become My Best Friend’s Wedding.
Next, we find out that super-organized Jess forgot to pick up Gram-Gram for the party. She hides this mistake from everyone and calls Mr. Mulligan on the sly to get him to bring her over, which he does on his moped.
Meanwhile KK’s friends start poisoning her mind against Jess.
Cruella: Ted is great and all, but his little friend Jessica…
KK: Yeah, they were best friends.
Ursula: Well, just make sure she doesn’t think it was more than that.
Then they point KK’s attention to…
OMG Jessica and Ted are talking and she is laughing at something he said! He is definitely cheating on KK!
On a side note, this weirdness was on one of the buffet tables…
Questions from the viewing group:
Why is a tray of grapes next to another tray of grapes?
Is that a jar of gummy bears? Did a third grader set up this buffet?
Next, we are back at the wedding venue Jess used in the opening scene of the movie. Either, this is her “go to venue,” or Hallmark is squeezing every dime out of their rented locations…your choice.
Jess is waiting for Ted and KK to show up at the venue and KK arrives first.
Jess explains the set-up for the wedding and then has to listen to KK tell her she wants a completely different location, the impossible-to-book St. John’s Castle, but that this venue is a great “second choice.” Thanks, Miss Passive Aggressive.
KK quickly follows this up with a healthy dose of ill-concealed suspicion. This girl is a real gem.
KK: So Jess, how come you and Ted never hooked up?
Jess: Oh well it’s just not like that.
KK: Never? I only ask because it seems like the two of you would be a perfect fit for one another.
Side Note: Huh? What kind of weird a** question is this to ask of her fiancée’s best friend on the eve of her wedding? KK be cray-cray.
KK’s phone rings and she cuts Jess off to take an upsetting phone call from her ex-boyfriend. This apparently unhinges her completely and all her crazy starts to spill out.
They finish the venue tour and we end with a shot of Jess looking upset. No sh*t.
In the next scene she is talking agitatedly to Mr. Mulligan on a park bench.
Jess is saying, “I lied to her! I straight up lied to her! I told her I didn’t have feelings for Ted!”
Mr. M: “Jess, you just might be confused about how you feel. Things have been very turbulent for you lately. A relationship you saw going forward ended and forced you to look backwards, and that could easily create a confusing situation for anyone.”
Consensus from the Viewing Group: Actually, this is really good advice so we’re giving the movie a D+ instead of a D.
Also, at this point I’m conflicted. Although KK is overly suspicious and rude, and nothing she has seen so far has been a legitimate cause for concern…she is actually right about Jess. Gee..this is a real pickle for the viewers…thanks Hallmark.
Next, Jess picks up the wedding party in a bus to take them all on a surprise activity. As they board, Ted gives Jess an envelope and says the wedding venue office needs it by Tuesday otherwise they will lose the location. Can you handle this? he asks, and Jess responds, “Yes I can!”
(FYI no she can’t)
The surprise activity is a bridal party verses groom’s party paint ball shoot out. Happy hunting everyone! BTW if someone could kill KK right now and end this movie I would really appreciate it.
Sun’s out, guns out.
Cruella: (as the bride’s team is getting relentlessly hammered with paint balls) Who knew Ted’s old friends from high school would be such good shots at paint ball?
KK: Well, they’re probably working out some residual anger against us for how we treated them back then.
Side Note: Ah Ha! So you do admit to being a bully in high school…then where’s the apology to all these people KK? Well?
Once again KK’s two “Besties” call attention to Jess and Ted. KK peeks over the fence at them and looks concerned, (and pretty stupid as well but let’s move on).
Could someone please shoot her now? Thanks.
Wow! I would be concerned too. How dare Ted and Jessica laugh together over a joke! Jessica is a total slut.
Now KK is talking to her ex again on the phone and getting upset. Jessica unfortunately chooses this time to come up and talk to her.
Jess: Hey Kim, is everything okay?
KK: No, my ex just continues to make my life as difficult as he can.
Jess: I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?
KK (sarcastically): You know what? There is something you can do…can you maybe try not being in love with my fiancé?
Then she gives her the snarky head tilt like this…
“Wah, wah, wah, blah, blah!”
Here is the rest of their conversation with a few embellishments on my part ..
Jess: Kim I told you Ted and I are just friends!
KK: I know what you said but you lied! It is so obvious to me that you have feelings for him. All the signs are there. You were talking to him and then you were talking again! That’s two times! Obviously, you just can’t help yourself! I’ll bet you talk to anyone’s fiancée! I bet you’ll talk for hours! You know what you are? You’re a talking whore!
Ted comes over and he and Jess calm her down. In the end, Kim blames her horrible behavior on “wedding emotions.” Also, she does not apologize to Jess. What an a**hole.
Ted walks off with Crazy-Pants and Jess is left standing alone. Looks like she is definitely coming in second place on this one. sniff
Back at her apartment, Jess and Ted are enjoying their tradition of having a Scary Movie Night and Ted starts to dissect his relationship with KK.
Ted: Yesterday KK bought me coffee and she put cream and sugar in it!
Jess: (gasp!) But you take it black! You used to take it that way, but then you switched to sweetener and then to black!
Ted: See? You know me. Shouldn’t two people who are getting married know each other the way you and I know each other?
Ted takes off and Jess is left completely confused by his conversation which is understandable since he keeps comparing her to KK and sounds unsure about what he is doing. Get it together Ted!
Jess goes out with her friends who all know and dislike KK from high school. Jess tells them that Kim is nice now, which disgusted me so much I almost turned off the TV. Since KK has treated her terribly so far all I can conclude is that Jess is a complete idiot.
However, one of her friends totally calls KK out.
Kim is trying on her wedding dress in front of her two mean friends and we find out that they are evidently mean to her as well.
KK: What do you think of my dress?
Cruella: Forget the dress. Don’t you think this wedding is kind of sudden? You and Ted are so different!
Ursula:Uh huh, we always thought that you and your ex were perfect for each other. You and he used to talk together for hours. What do you and Ted talk about?
Cruella: Why don’t you give your ex a call just to make sure nothing is still there?
Now KK is unhappy.
Also, she looks like Glinda the Good Witch in that dress.
In the next scene, Jess comes over to Ted’s house to drop off his tux, and…wait a minute, wedding planners and “best men” don’t drop off the wedding clothes, so what part is she playing now? Ted’s personal assistant?
Anyway, as Jess is wandering around Ted’s house, she overhears Kim talking to someone on the phone,
KK: I know Ted is an amazing guy, and my friends keep telling me that it’s just cold feet, but what if it is not? I know. I just needed someone to talk to and you know me better than anyone. I know, and I love you too.
To make a long story short, (your welcome), Jess assumes KK is going back to her ex, and when Ted enters the scene, she tells him so. Unfortunately for her, she misread the situation. KK was talking to her Dad on the phone and she proves this to Ted easily by showing him her cell.
Now KK can accuse Jess of trying to break up the wedding with some actual credibility, and as you can see below by the smirk on her face she is super pleased about it. Bottom line, I guess KK is allowed to wrongly accuse people at will but no one else is. Got it.
Meanwhile, Ted pretty much just stands there like a dumba** .
Hey Muscles, your fiancé sorta sucks.
At that moment, Ted notices the envelope he gave Jess with the down payment for the venue sticking out of her purse. He gets pretty upset that she forgot to turn it in and now they have no location for the ceremony.
In hindsight maybe he should have lifted a finger to help out…but oh well, sucks for them.
If I were Jess this is the part where I would have thrown his dry cleaning on the floor and left. Instead, she sits there and gets to listen to KK dis-invite her to the wedding while Ted does nothing. Jess looks pitiful, cries and leaves.
Seriously, Jess needs to grow a pair.
So, she goes to get advice from her senior citizen friend or maybe patient…I don’t know. He tells her, “Life is not defined by a single mistake or action, it is defined by a culmination of all thought and actions” and somehow this bizarrely philosophical statement gives her a wedding brainwave!
Jess calls in a bunch of favors from all the people she has done weddings for and gets KK the venue of her dreams, St. John’s Castle!
Then she gets all her retirement friends or patients or whatever to set up the wedding since she is still banned from it, (even though she not only fixed everything, but actually enhanced the event). Jess even sneaks in to oversee the set up, and since she wears sunglasses and a hat and periodically ducks behind trees, she is essentially invisible.
Side Note: Question: Since the bride and groom haven’t stepped up to take care of the wedding planning after they fired Jess, who do they think is running the set-up right now? Fairies?
And if they do know that Jess is still running things, then why is she still banned? A person could literally drown in this plot hole.
The wedding set-up is going swimmingly until Jess runs into Ted’s mom and finds out Ted is missing! Since Jess knows him better than anyone, Ted’s Mom asks her to find him.
“Help us Obi Wan Kanobi, you’re our only hope.”
Then we get to watch Jess travel down this entire road on a moped.
Of course, she finds him in the treehouse…duh.
Ted tells her he thinks rushed into the wedding and got caught up by the idea of marrying the prom queen.
“I am not sure if KK is the one I am meant to marry. Should I marry her?” he asks Jess.
“This decision is way too big for me to make for you,” she replies.
“Do you love me?”
“Ted, I do love you, but as friends - as best friends.”
Side Note: Quick Question: So does she f***ing love him or not?
Jess gets Ted to go back to the wedding and KK finds them together.
Then KK makes a little speech where she acknowledges Jess and Ted’s close relationship, and admits that she was marrying Ted partly to make up for being a mean girl in high school. She tells them they need to figure out what is between them and leaves. As you can see in the picture below, neither Ted nor Jess even turn around to watch her go.
Jess and Ted return to the treehouse to eat the unused wedding cake and playfully threaten to shove cake in each other’s faces.
Shockingly, we then immediately get this shot which tells us that 6 months later they are married.
So, I guess Ted resolved his feelings for KK, found out he actually did love Jess more than he thought and not as a friend, Jess must have also confirmed that she did love him, (unlike what she told him earlier), then apparently they mutually agreed to make their relationship a romantic one and six months was enough time to see that this was the right way to go and commit.
I mean I guess that’s what happened since all we really get is a cake slam.
Of course, they kiss and then we get a voice over from Jess which tells us,
“But I never could have planned all this…or did I?”
The cake at the end looked delicious
I loved Jess’s friend saying, “A tiger… never changes… its stripes.”
The actress that played KK is an excellent smirker.
Jess liked him, then she didn’t or maybe she did? She said she did so I thought…but I guess then she didn’t? Anyway, six months later she definitely did.
Ted is a gorgeous hunk of “blah.”
Jess is too spastic. Also, she’s a terrible wedding planner (sorry fake person)
Credits: All photos, unless otherwise indicated, have come from the Hallmark Movie “From Friend to Fiance” which can be viewed on the Hallmark Channel
Vector Art Link: <a href=" Vectors by Vecteezy</a>