Christmas Made to Order

Summary of their first meeting:

 

Steven's opinion is that the lobby is over-decorated, (ya’ think?), however, why he is talking to a DECORATOR about how he doesn’t like decorations I do not know - apparently, Steven has the social intelligence of a third grader.

 

However, Gretchen doesn’t come across much better. You tell me, if someone throws an entire bucket of fake snow all over you and then says, “I thought you could use the holiday cheer,” would you consider them a klutz, an a**hole, or both?

 

Not cool Gretchen.

 

HAHAHAHAHA! Steven needs to host his entire family for Christmas at the last minute, so he is going to ask Gretchen to decorate his house inside and out. HAHAHAHA! This should be good…dude you better give her your platinum visa card and plant a flag in your couch so you can find it after she’s through. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

In the next scene, Gretchen is standing with a co-worker in the hallway of the decorating firm she works at part time and they have just finished putting the finishing touches on a gingerbread house on display there. The two are chatting about something which I totally miss since all I can do right now is wonder what kind of job pays its employees to build gingerbread houses.

 

Furthermore, I sincerely hope they never bring any clients here since the entire office looks like Suzy homemaker decorated it using a garage sale Christmas theme. Every shot where I see a rando poinsettia or giant red bow scotch-taped to the middle of a bare white wall I want to hurl.

 

Steven calls Gretchen and hires her. He invites her over to his house where he continues to text on his phone while she is talking about her decorating ideas.

 

Translation: Zero sparks between these two.

 

A few arbitrary observations over the next few scenes:

 

•  Hey Gretchen, smart decorators don’t climb ladders in heeled boots. Also, ever heard of a ponytail?

• Gretchen’s decorating of his place is very homey, and by homey, I mean not like         a professional did it.

• She literally gift wraps the TV hanging over the mantle like a present. Gretchen, just because you can touch it doesn’t mean you should wrap it.

• It looks like she just threw Christmas crap everywhere there was space.

• If you freeze-frame Steven’s face his eyebrows look like they have been painted on like a Ken doll

• BTW don’t freeze frame Steven’s face

 

The moment Steven’s family enters his home, they start to demand things:

 

Steven’s Mom: “Where do I put the presents? I don’t see a tree!”

 

Steven answers they do not have one yet – however he must be pretty forgetful as one second later he passes a fully decorated tree in the hallway. Also, about three seconds after that we see ANOTHER fully decorated tree in his study.

 

Dad’s question: What is there to eat, I’m starving!

Steven does not answer this question, which is about what it deserves.

 

Niece’s Question: What is there to do in Salt Lake?

Hilarious question from a teenager since they should never ask an adult this and expect an answer they want. But here’s an answer…. Google it.

 

Steven freaks out from all their three questions and quickly makes a deal with Gretchen. In exchange for a job recommendation she will become his “Christmas coordinator” which is yet another made-up profession.

 

Good grief, all these fake jobs are killing me. How much you want to bet we are going to find out that Steven’s sister is a unicorn salesperson and his Dad eats cereal for a living?

 

Gretchen decides to take them all out the next day to buy yet another Christmas tree for the house.

 

Then the family guilts Steven into joining them even though he tells them he will have to work extra late that night to do it. You know, I may just be spit balling here, but I’m pretty sure Steven’s family are kind of a bunch of a**holes.

 

At the tree farm, Gretchen instructs them in how to pick a good Christmas tree and then sets them loose. Have none of them ever picked a tree before? Isn’t it pretty obvious that you don’t want one with brown needles? Isn’t Christmas tree picking usually done by elementary age children?

 

I assume that either the Christmas tree farm did not meet Gretchen’s exacting yet mediocre standards, or they all failed her tree picking assignment since the next scene has them lugging an obviously artificial tree into the house.

 

Side Note: Yet another poor decision by a Hallmark set director who could have maintained continuity simply by using a real tree, but instead just thought, “whatever, no one will notice.”

 

Wrong.