Love To The Rescue

Grade: B

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Michael Rady – Eric Smith

Nikki Deloach – Kate Healy

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The movie starts out switching back and forth between two single parents, Kate and Eric, getting ready for school with their kids. Either these parents get up at the crack of dawn or they both own time turners since no one is seen rushing, there is apparently plenty of time to sit down to a full hearty breakfast, and one of the kids even has time to give her Mom a power point presentation about a dog she wants to adopt. 

 

Now I’m not saying there aren’t parents who stroll through their work/school mornings getting kids ready as well as themselves at such a leisurely pace, I’m just saying they are not on planet Earth.

 

During Kate’s morning, her daughter, Sofia, makes out like a bandit. First, the kid gets a Science Tomorrow magazine and here is her reaction. Kid is pretty cute.

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Okay, we get it. Sofia is smart and Mom is a good Mom.

 

Next, Kate brings out a basket of dog toys to cutely break the news that she can adopt the dog she wants! Mom is so super fun! 

 

Let’s name every toy!

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Now we flip over to Eric’s morning where he and his son, Owen, apparently have lots of fun playtime before school. Here’s how they get ready. 

 

(uh huh…doubtful).

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Dad also mentions that they also will be adopting a dog that day, (what a coincidence!). Since he also mentions the word “superhero” to Owen three times before breakfast – his kid is obviously into superheroes. 

 

Also, at three minutes and thirty seconds into this movie and still on the first scene of “getting ready for school,” please note that Mom has gotten two hugs from her daughter and Dad has gotten one. 

 

Now I’m not saying that kids who are this over-the-top loving and huggy don’t exist, I’m just saying that these kids are obviously aliens.

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Next Bianca, Eric’s girlfriend, comes over to Eric’s house to say goodbye because she needs to go to Chicago for a month for a court case. Keep in mind this is still before school, so I am guessing it is about 7:15 in the morning which is crazy early for a visit. (FYI the only people that come over my house this early are…well…nobody). She finds out that they are getting a dog and tells Eric she is highly allergic, but she will just take Benadryl. 

 

Yeah, that’s not going to work.

 

Bianca wants to know “where their relationship is going” which is a pretty heavy question for 7:15am. Maybe that’s why she gets such a crap answer. Eric says they should use the month apart to think about “us.” 

 

Side Note: My goodness Eric certainly thinks highly of himself. Model/Lawyer Bianca could probably get another boyfriend in 0.2 seconds. Nerdy, meticulous Eric? Not so much. If I was Bianca, I would tell Eric that he can keep his 30-day moratorium and his dog dander and move on to greener, less anal retentive pastures.

 

Whatever…these eggs are cold. I’m outta here.

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Eric is the Regional Manager for The Dept. of Transportation, so the office below is a government building. 

Sure it is.

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And this is where Kate works as Creative Director…at a company where staff play ping pong in the morning apparently so…a summer camp? A ping pong table manufacturer? An Olympic ping pong training center? No! An animation company of course! Those creative types…so weird right?

Hey boss! We’ll get to work when we feel like it!

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Next, we see them both eating lunch to further highlight their differences. His lunch is orderly and sectioned into a Tupperware container, while she is biting into a giant messy grande burrito. 

 

D***, now I want a burrito.

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Gosh golly! Kate’s boss tells her that her animated short film, “Light the Way” has been accepted into the Georgia Animation Festival, the winner of which qualifies to submit for the Best Animated Short at the Oscars! The only catch, she needs to rework the ending and she has 6 weeks, so get to work Kate! 

 

She meets with her team of animators and sits crisscross applesauce while they throw toys around. Evidently, acting like a six-year old is the key to great animation. Also, please notice that the dudes behind her are still playing ping pong. Uh, Kate? I’ve been around a few ping pong games in my time - not sure if this is the best place to hold a meeting.

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BTW her whole team wants the short film to be a love story, but Kate says “no” because…dictator? 

 

Her staff think that Kate is “against love” which is a weird reputation to have unless she has been through some horrible break up in the past. However, as she and her ex-husband, Liam, have a very good relationship, her hang up about love makes zero sense. 

 

Case in point, when her friend Nadia calls Kate out because she wouldn’t give her number to a cute guy at a coffee shop, she responds, “He ordered an extra shot, extra hot, extra whip, sugar free caramel macchiato! That is not just high maintenance that’s nonsense!” 

 

Side Note: Actually Kate, it’s not nonsense. My daughter, Samantha used to work as a barista, and she says this order would take about two seconds. What IS a complicated order? Iced half caf long shot venti 4 pump sugar free cinnamon dolce soy skinny latte. If you’re with someone that orders this….run.

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So not only is Kate uninformed about gourmet coffee preparation, she is also very judge-y, which may be why she has not been on a date since her divorce five years ago.  

 

In the next scene we see Eric, who is also President of the PTA, running a pet adoption event for the school. It is the end of the adoption drive and there is one dog and three cats left, (which figures since dogs rule and cats drool). Owen asks his dad if he can go “sit with his dog” which is apparently the last one left to adopt. 

 

Question: If Owen knew this was the dog he wanted, why has Eric waited until the end of the event to adopt this dog? Did they put a hold sign on him? Did he just hope that no one would swoop in and take the dog before now? I don’t follow his logic.

 

Since Eric is also using this event to rope in volunteers for the upcoming spring carnival, he spies Kate as a potential stooge…I mean volunteer…and introduces himself. Kate then gives him two pieces of very negative information: (1) she has gone to the school carnival every year and it is super boring. (2) they both want to adopt the same dog ……ouch!

 

Obviously, we can rule out instant attraction between the Leads at this point.

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Here is the dog everyone is fighting over – his name is Bruce. 

He’s cool.

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When Kate suggests to Sofia that they adopt another dog that needs a home, Sofia crosses her arms and says, “As I said in my power point this morning…” 

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And Mom replies, “Got it.” like she is talking to her boss. Either Mom needs to grow a pair, or this kid really is an alien.

 

At first the parents both decide to walk away from this particular dog, but the kids/aliens put their feet/tentacles down and so that suggestion gets nixed.

 

This is Allison. She works for the Animal Rescue Association. Allison has terrible ideas.  

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Allison proposes the following plan to Eric and Kate, “Why don’t you both co-foster Bruce for a month so that we find the best possible home for him?”

 

Side Note: I don’t get it. All I see is a future of Bruce being pried from a screaming child’s arms.  

 

Based on their expressions, I don’t think Kate and Eric are feeling it either

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Allison continues, “It’s rare. But Bruce fell in love twice today, and who are we to get in the way of that?”

 

Side Note: Oh, now I get it. Allison’s one of those fanatical pet lovers. A hundred bucks says she carries her cat, Sprinkles, around in a papoose so their heartbeats sync up.

 

Somehow, between the kids pleading and Allison’s pseudo expert dog opinions, the parents agree to this stupid plan which means - we have a movie people! 

 

Sofia gets the dog first and since she has never had a dog before, she very wisely looks up how to play with a one on the internet. Mom stops her because the internet is “bad” and says, “Just get out there and have fun and get messy and as long as your kind to him you’ll do great.” Thanks Mom, for these extremely vague instructions, hopefully Sofia will not try to ride Bruce like a horse.

Also, your daughter is too old for exaggerated expressions like this.

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Next, we see the two families meeting up to hand over the dog and set the ground rules. 

 

Team Happy Sunbeam brings dog toys, dog treats, and a fun-loving spirit, their strategy is to win the boys over with kindness and cookies.

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Fa La La Laaaaa! 

Okay we're ready.

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Team Total Nerd brings a detailed schedule, a laminated copy of dog rules, and a thoroughly researched obedience plan. Their strategy is to prove that they are the most responsible dog owners in the world. 

Game face, Owen, our meeting starts in 16 seconds.

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However, I still am not grasping how this is supposed to play out. Exactly who is making the decision about Bruce at the end of the month? Yes, yes, I understand that these two parents will probably be in love by then, so the outcome of the co-fostering is moot. But their plan is so vague and pointless that it makes two seemingly intelligent characters look like boneheads.

 

During the dog hand off, Eric tells Kate he wants to take Bruce to obedience school. Kate says she would like to approve and attend, and Eric responds with, “I will let you come with me, I will even let you pick the school, as long as you volunteer for the school carnival.” 

 

Whoa. Slow your roll Eric. You co-own this dog so what’s with the unilateral decisions? Kate’s answer should have been, “Oh, I can’t come to your school? Okay dip****, then you can’t come to mine. Gee, hope we don’t confuse Bruce!”

 

Instead, Kate acquiesces to his super annoying “deal” which really annoyed me. Then I was even more annoyed that I let myself get annoyed by a freaking Hallmark movie in the first place. 

 

I have a real problem.

 

Next, Kate goes to the PTA meeting and totally disrupts it with all her questions and suggestions. Eric gets exasperated with her, (and with the other Moms who rally behind her ideas), and frankly, I couldn’t care less.  So far Eric has been seriously persnickety and uptight. A hundred bucks says his coffee order is a quad espresso with non-fat foam, two sugar in the raws at 190 degrees. Blech.        

  Excuse me? Where are all the toys for this meeting?

How am I supposed to think?

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In the next scene Eric and Kate are on a park bench watching the kids play with Bruce during the “trade off.” Kate tells Eric he is no fun and, not that I disagree with her, but this woman is legit harsh.

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To prove he is fun Eric says they should all go on a hike together and she agrees. The hiking scene is a cute one because the kids gravitate to the parent who is more like them. So, Sofia hangs out with Eric, and Owen plays with Kate. 

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Sofia tells Eric she likes the dog rules he created because they help her know what she is doing. He says, “Me too.” She also likes that he laminates things since people are messy and he says, “Yeah they are.” then they both take a bite of a cookie at the same time. Adorbs!

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Side Note: Random observation: Why does Owen dress up in a cape to watch television?  Isn’t he like 10 years old?

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Following this we are back at another PTA meeting where Kate is presenting her carnival theme idea, “A Candy Carnival”. Hmmm…besides the obvious hiccups of childhood obesity and tooth decay, my real question is: Did Kate, the artist, draw this poster? Because it’s terrible.

 

“So, the carnival will have one booth and a giant lollypop.

Also, I drew this candy cane with my foot.”

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Kate takes Eric to a warm and fuzzy obedience school where they spend most of the time breathing and calming themselves down around their dogs. After the teacher accuses them of flirting with each other, Kate freaks out so much she runs out of the lesson, tripping over everything in her path like a dumba**. 

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Eric comes over to Kate’s office the next day to get a moo cow dog toy (really? this is a valid reason?) and he sees her animated short. He says it’s amazing.

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Eric assumes the short is about love and Kate says “NOOOOOO not love! Why does everyone keep saying that?” Eric responds, “But look at how you drew them.” 

 

And we see two shots of bug eyes blinking. Literally, that’s it. Are they blinking L-O-V-E in Morse code? Because I’m not grasping his point here.

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Now Kate goes over to Eric’s office for the moo cow dog toy, (what’s with this dog toy, is it a euphemism for something else?) and while she and Eric are talking about “love” and having a moment, Bianca walks in unexpectedly…awkward!

Crap. it’s Bianca.

"Hey Girl!"

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I took 4 Benadryl so I can hug you

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Frikitty ding dong.

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Inexplicably, Kate offers to babysit Owen so Eric and Bianca can go on a date. Has Eric never used a babysitter before? Why does he need Kate to do this?

Bianca and Eric amicably part ways during their “date.” I didn’t really understand their reasons…does it matter? Eric is a free man.

             

Next, we see Eric, Kate and Allison on a three-way call. I assume the month is up because Allison says they should decide about Bruce soon, as it will only get harder to say goodbye the longer the kids have with the dog. Gee ya’ think? 

 

Allison says it might be better to just rip the band-aid off so to speak. Thanks Allison, you’re as dumb as a band-aid.

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Eric takes Kate star-gazing to give her inspiration since she is struggling with the story for her short film.

He brings cheese puffs and red wine which I personally have no problem with. As he is apologizing for the snack choice, (why? It’s awesome!), she interrupts him with an awkwardly smooshy finger to his lips to tell him, “he had her at cheese puffs.” The line is stolen but well placed…the finger not so much.

…mmmph…

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Then she digs into those cheese puffs like a pro.

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Inspiration strikes! “I don’t need a new ending,” Kate cries, “I need a new beginning!” Then they pick up their chairs and run away. 

 

Now we get a montage of her working through the night. 

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Inspired!

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Victorious!

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Exhausted!

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Scary??

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Kate goes to work the next morning and tells her staff that she has rewritten the film and it’s a love story! The staff are so happy!  No one seems to mind the fact that they have wasted their efforts for the past month on pointless work, and now need to work late nights and weekends AGAIN because she finally did what they have been asking her to do all along. These creative types…so weird right?

 

If you need to use the bathroom do it now people, 

because we are not leaving this room for a week.

Tee hee.

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Eric and Owen join Kate and Sofia at the Candy Carnival. Eric asks her out on a real date and she says yes! Could it be because he moussed his hair into its most confident style, The Skyscraper?

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Then fun times at the candy carnival!

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Uh Oh! Mild problem! Kate just remembered her One Rule. She will never date while Sofia is a kid in case she gets attached to someone who won’t stick around. 

 

Side Note: Huh?  So she won’t date for what…14 years?  This rule is moronic.

 

Kate says that Sofia and Owen want them to get married and they haven’t even been on a first date yet. She says it is too fast. What is too fast? Having a first date is too fast? 


Eric is sad now. No more confident hair.

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Now we see her sitting on the couch watching a romance. It’s probably a Hallmark. Anyway, Liam (her ex), comes in and sees her eating chips and drinking wine and….hmmm just a sec.

 

That’s better!

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Okay, where was I? Oh yes, Liam takes the remote from her, turns off the TV, tells her she is scared of grown up love, and talks her into moving forward with Eric. What a great ex-husband! Kate decides to invite Eric and Owen to the Film Festival.

 

This is the Film Festival

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Her film is terrible – they just should have shown the reactions on people’s faces and never shown the short itself. But since this is a Hallmark, of course everyone will absolutely love the sub-par art.

 

I love you...blink, blink. I love you too…blink, blink. The end.

Where’s my Oscar?

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During the Q&A onstage, she tells everyone about the man that opened her up to love so now Eric understands he has the all clear for a first date.

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In the lobby, Eric tells her he got his dream job as an affordable housing advocate, they kiss and ….ooohhh we get an epilogue people! There’s a quick shot of them in the future walking with the kids and Bruce and they’re married! Thanks Hallmark!

 Mmm. Smack..smack..

        smoochy-smooch    

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Nose rub!!

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Pros: 

  • The dialogue in this movie was well done and humorous. 

  • The Leads are both likable.

  • Bruce!

 

Cons: 

  • Co-fostering a dog makes no sense

  • The short film...suspension of disbelief only stretches so far.

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THE END

Credits: All photos, unless otherwise indicated, have come from the Hallmark Movie “Love to the Rescue” which can be viewed on the Hallmark Channel

Vector Art Link: <a href="https://www.vecteezy.com/free-vector/dog">Dog Vectors by Vecteezy</a>