Love Under The Rainbow

Grade: C

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Jodie Sweetin - Lucy

David Haydn-Jones - Jack

Two sisters, Dana and Lucy, are walking down the boardwalk in the town of Ocean Hill. They are not jogging since one of them is really pregnant. Not our heroine obviously, since Hallmark is not that progressive.

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They’re discussing their parent’s ruby anniversary (40 years). So now the movie has become an advertisement for Hallmark. 

 

Lucy says, “Do you think they want us to make that big of a  deal out of it?” and her sister replies, “No doubt they’ll want a trophy.” (or a Hallmark card!) ☺ 

 

Dana starts riding her sibling about not dating. Not cool, married-for-ten-years-older-sister…just ask her how she’s doing.

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Dana continues to push the marriage thing, “Hey, do you still have that wedding book you made when you were a kid?” she asks Lucy, “Because you should use it to remind you of what could be.” 

 

Wow. So, we should base our future adult planning on the fanciful notions of our 10-year-old selves? Sounds idiotic. Let’s do this!

 

Dana and Lucy walk on, commenting on a rainbow high up in the sky. As they walk off camera, Jack and his daughter Sophie enter the frame.

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"Hey dad look! A rainbow! Let’s go chase it.” Sophie says,

Dad’s reply…. nope. 

 

Side Note: BTW how do you actually chase a rainbow? Is this a thing? I thought it was an idiom for pursing things that are unlikely to happen. 

 

Lucy teaches in an elementary school and this is her house. Uh huh.

The town bus driver owns the mansion on the corner.

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Lucy goes into a coffee shop where Ben, the owner, or manager, or maybe just the most aggressive of the baristas, is talking to another barista very adamantly about Arabica beans. Ben seems overly intense.

 

Ben looks up and sees Lucy. He calls her Miss Mocha and reminds her that “we still have to do that dinner we’ve been talking about”.

She responds, “Oh yeah right, I’ve just been super busy.” 

 

Translation: not interested - but non-committal, because if this happens to be the best coffee shop in town, she needs to play this right.

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Ben keeps nagging her about a date, 

 

Ben: “What about charcuterie?”

Lucy: “In the mocha?”

Ben: For dinner.

Lucy: Oh, sure it’s my favorite.


 

Why did she say it’s her favorite if she doesn’t even know what charcuterie is? And why is she so amenable to a date with this guy when it’s clear she is not even interested? Is his coffee that good? And who goes out to a restaurant to eat “charcuterie” anyway?

 

So many questions, zero answers.

 

Lucy orders a grande coconut mocha with extra whip. So basically, she’s a seventeen-year-old girl.

 

She reaches for her money and Ben says it’s on the house which is even worse because now she’s indebted. Then Ben tells her he will text her. See? Should’ve paid. 

 

Wait a minute, how’d he get your number? Geez girl, you’re going to be engaged before you tell him you’re not interested or what? This is her deer-in-the-headlights expression when she talks to Ben.

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Lucy meets Jack a few minutes later when they both reach for the same disgusting coffee drink. Then she ends up throwing his drink all over him. Why are Hallmark romantic leads always tripping and spilling all over each other? Is klutzy the new sexy?

 

Gee, it looks sorta like she’s nowhere near him right?

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Jack goes outside where his daughter is waiting and says, “I had a sort of a mocha mishap but totally worth it – best coffee in town.” “Gee, that’s great dad,” says Sophie, “now can we go chase rainbows?”

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Okay, what’s the deal with this kid? She’s had 2 lines in this movie and both are about chasing rainbows. This is not a thing!

 

Dad says, “No, you cannot do that thing that is not a thing. Besides, I need to get cleaned up, and you need to get ready for school,” (which begs the question, what the h*ll time of the morning is it? Until he said that, I literately though it was 9am on a Saturday). 

 

Jack just got transferred to Ocean Hill from Chicago and this is Sophie’s first day at her new school. Dad promises they will do all sorts of fun things once we get settled.

 

“Like chase rainbows.” says Sophie, “Why else would we move to the rainbow capitol of America and not chase rainbows?” 

Somebody needs to do something about this kid pronto. If ever there was a child screaming out to take ballet lessons this is it.

 

“If I’m cute enough, my obsessions become adorable.”

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Now we are at the elementary school and watching Lucy teach her class. She says the science fair is in 3 weeks and this year the winner gets to pick the field trip of their choice.

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Dad brings Sophie into the classroom. He and Lucy recognize each other and formally introduce themselves. 

 

So far this is scene after scene of normal life stuff. If someone would wake me up when something happens, I would appreciate it.

 

After he leaves, Cassidy, another teacher walks over. 

“Oooh, Jack Evans,“ she says.

“You know him?” asks Lucy.

“His daughter Sophie was almost placed in my class, but we were full. Such a shame what happened…you know his wife passed and now it is just the two of them.”

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Now we are at Jack’s office doing more normal everyday boring things. In this case we get to watch Jack walk down the hall with his boss. The boss is saying, “We usually do our meetings from the break room because it is a more relaxed atmosphere.

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Bossman tells Jack he needs to refurbish a bridge in 3 weeks and Jack tells him that it’s impossible.

Enter the goofy co-worker, Kevin Monroe.

Kevin says “Aye aye, Captain. Consider it done.” Then as soon as the boss leaves, he turns to Jack and says, “Yeah, this is impossible. Sorry I tend to lie to make people feel better.”

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Although Kevin is a total airhead, it looks like they will be friends and they shake hands.

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Back at school – Lucy is having the class plant wishing seeds. You plant the seeds along with a wish and when the flower blooms you see if your wish came true. 

Any idea what you want to wish for? She asks Sophie. 

I want to chase rainbows, Sophie replies.

 

Side Note: Okay, I‘m not joking anymore - this kid needs to see a therapist.

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Lucy tells Sophie about Queen’s Park which is known for having a lot of rainbows. Then she says, “If you win the science fair maybe we can take the class to Queen’s park for our field trip!”

 

Viewing Group Consensus: A field trip to open space with lots of rainbows? Sounds lame. 

 

Sophie decides she wants to make rainbows for her science fair project. Really? How surprising.

 

The next day Lucy gives Sophie a crystal that she had hanging in her car. She shows her how the light shining through it makes a rainbow. She does this in the middle of class in front of all the other kids, so Sophie is sure to get harassed by her obvious favoritism. Thanks, Teach!

 

Smile while you can kid. Life just got hard.

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This next scene is pretty confusing so I may get it wrong. Lucy, her mom, sister Dana, and friend Cassidy are standing outside with a large group of people at the beginning of a jogging trail. Everyone is stretching. 

 

Lucy explains that she needs a new running partner because Dana is so super pregnant. However, this does not explain why Dana is there and stretching, nor why Cassidy seems surprised that she is being asked to run. (BTW she refuses). Mom just looks confused.

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It turns out that Kevin brought Jack to the jogging group so he could meet new people and right away they run into Lucy and her group, (I should clarify: Jack bumps into Lucy who is literally not moving, and he walks right into her).

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Lucy and Jack set off running and none of the other women or Kevin go with them. Why are these people here?

 

Then Lucy and Jack separate from the rest of the group and run together. They see a rainbow and she asks him why he’s not as enthusiastic about them as Sophie is, and he replies, “It’s complicated.”

 

Then she asks him why he moved to Ocean Hill, and he replies, Why don’t we just focus on running? Come on, I’ll set the pace. Then he basically leaves her behind so….douche-y?

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Dana and Lucy go to a craft store to get supplies for the anniversary party. Dana asks Lucy, “Did you find your wedding wish book?” And she replies that she has no idea where it is.

Who cares! 

 

Jack bumps into them at the craft store, (this is apparently an extremely small town), and gives Lucy a very nice apology for bolting on her earlier so I will forgive him as well. He tells her he just doesn’t like to talk about his wife that much, and as a single dad he’s just waiting for his World’s Worst Dad mug to come in. They chat and joke a bit and she finds out he’s a civil engineer with a sense of humor. Then he takes off since he has to work on a Saturday to finish the stupid bridge project.

 

Back at home he plays paper dolls with Sophie and she mentions that they need someone to play the Mom doll. Jack looks at her significantly and says, “We do, do we?”

 

Side Note: Dear Jack, please don’t take this one sentence from your daughter as giving you permission to date. She’s ten and hasn’t learned what subtext is yet. When she says. “I’m okay if you date” then she’s okay if you date.

 

The next night she runs into Jack and Sophie AGAIN, this time at the movies. What a small world right? She joins them and we get to watch her and Jack bump hands and giggle over popcorn. More interesting is Cassidy’s reaction when she hears this happened.

 

This chick needs her own movie. 

Thank you, Cassidy, for not being blah.

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Now we are at the bridge worksite with Kevin and Jack. Kevin can tell there is “something different” about Jack. He says he has GUY-dar about this kind of thing, then he says he has spidey senses about this kind of thing, then he says he can read people’s energy about this sort of thing.

 

I’m betting Kevin has meds for this sort of thing.


 

Dude, I can totally tell from the way you are 

rolling up those plans that you are in love.

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Jack comes to pick up Sophie from school and gets called into work in front of Lucy. She overhears the fact that he doesn’t have a babysitter for Sophie and volunteers to watch her, because all elementary school teachers also babysit their students, right? Is he going to pay her? Is this a favor? I have no idea, but when he picks his daughter up and she asks for 20 bucks things could get awkward.


 

Back at her house with Sophie we get to watch Lucy make pasta. She does this by filling up a pasta pot with cold water, adding the uncooked noodles and then putting the entire thing on the stove to heat up. This is not how you make pasta as my 7-year-old niece can tell you.

 

Then she heats up some obviously jarred sauce and taste tests it as if she would actually change anything.

 

Do we need to see this? 

I want 1 minute of my life back.

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Side Note: Hallmark people: If you are going to have people fake cook, please have them fake cook correctly - thank you.

 

Jack returns to pick up Sophie and she invites them both to stay for dinner. Then the doorbell rings and, oh no! it’s Over-Intense Ben from the coffee shop dropping by totally unannounced. If he internet stalked her to get her address, she should shut the door now. If she gave him her address then she is an idiot, and she should still shut the door now.

 

“Hi Miss Mocha! When I looked through your windows and saw

 you were home, I took that as an invitation to stop by.”

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Too late. Ben just brushes past her and walks in on his own.

Now Jack thinks they are intruding so he and Sophie leave. As they are saying goodbye at the front door Ben is back in her kitchen doing this…

 

Sociopath.

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Then Lucy inexplicably rewards Ben for his inappropriate behavior by having him join her for dinner. In her defense she does take this time to tell him they can only be friends. Not in her defense is the fact that she is now alone in her house, with an intense sociopath she barely knows, and his place setting includes a butter knife. This is still a Hallmark romance right? Not a Hallmark Movie and Mystery?

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Lucy survives the night and Jack meets up with her on the jogging trail the next day. She takes this opportunity to break into a privately-owned garden to show him around. He is hesitant, but she says she knows the security guard so it’s all good.

 

Happiest trespasser ever. Don’t crack your face.

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As they walk around we find out Lucy’s parents were married in this garden 40 years ago. On another note, we also get to see how the set designers tried to make a winter garden look like spring. Although many of the trees in the background have no leaves, the decision was made to just lay some horrible fake flowers arbitrarily on the bushes and, voila! spring has sprung.

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Lucy mentions moonbows, (night rainbows), which are supposed to be  good luck, and she offers to take Jack and Sophie on a tour of the city the next day.

 

Now we get a montage of the three of them biking, going to the aquarium, eating hot dogs, and taking part in a snorefest. Oh wait, that last one was just me.

 

The most interesting part of this scene is the end where Lucy awkwardly says goodbye to Jack on the way out. They sort of do this balked half hug and then she just ends up kissing him on the cheek while he just stands there. Pretty ballsy Lucy. What’s your parent-teacher conference going to look like?

Okay my arm goes here and your arm goes there… 

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Never mind, I’ll just make the first move while you stand there.

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The science fair happens and Sophie wins! They are going to Queens Anne Park for the field trip! The entire rest of the class could care less.

 

Also, after three weeks on the job, Bossman offers Jack another position at their Miami office. Conclusion: Jack is completely dispensable at work.

 

Lucy’s parents celebrate their anniversary at the private garden. Do they have permission to be there? Are they trespassing while they do this? I have no idea. Also, the girls big “anniversary party” consists of the two parents, Dana and her husband, Lucy…and that’s it.

 

Jack and Sophie “run into them” here as well. (I am telling you, this town is tiny!). Then Dana’s water breaks and everyone loses their mind. The baby pops out in one piece at the hospital, and Jack tries to tell Lucy about the job opportunity in Miami, but he doesn’t get a chance because babies are adorable.

 

The next scene is the field trip to Queen’s Park. Literally, they drop the class of kids off at an empty soccer field and turn the sprinklers on to get some rainbows. Hella weak suggestion Lucy. You could be at the zoo eating a churro right now. 

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Then Sophie cries because her Mom is not here. 

 

Huh? Did I miss something? I get that Sophie is obsessed with rainbows because her Mom had a thing for rainbows, but when did that translate into her Mom coming back from the dead?

 

Jack picks Sophie up crying and asks what happened. Lucy says, “Everyone was looking at rainbows and I didn’t realize what Sophie was searching for. I’m so sorry.”

Jack says, “Angie, my wife, was really into rainbows so I thought I would carry on the tradition. I should never have let Sophie start this stupid project. I just thought she would grow out of it.”

Then Jack tells her about the offer in Miami which he is thinking of taking and he leaves upset. Lucy is sad.

sniff.

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Just for clarity, let’s recap. Sophie saw a rainbow and cried about her dead mother, (who, I think we can all agree, will still be dead no matter where they go), so Jack decides the best thing to do is move to Miami which also has plenty of rainbows. 

Got it.

 

Lucy goes to her parent’s house and they give her a pep talk and her Mom gives her the Wedding Wish book she made when she was a kid. It’s called Lucy’s Lucky Life and it describes her dream man as someone who will; make her laugh, be a great dad, like the same things as her, and blah, blah, blah.

 

This is stupid.

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Basically, her flipping through this book is a really unnecessary way of letting us know that Jack is her dream man, which we have all understood for quite a while now. She kissed him remember?

 

Now we switch back to Jack at his office. He looks morose and Kevin comes to talk to him because he heard he is leaving for Miami. They then proceed to have a conversation no two grown men will ever have. Here are two of Kevin’s lines of dialogue to prove my point.

 

  1. Jack, don’t shut people out. Connection comes with risk, but it also comes with memories, adventure, laughter and love.

  2. Blame it on the rain. You can’t have rainbows without a little rain.

 

(#ugh#painful#bromance#Hallmarkmen)

 

Jack has a talk with his daughter and tells her not to feel sorry for him anymore and that they are in this together - neither of which I had thought was an issue in their relationship. 

 

Sophie says nothing in response, but instead holds up the Mom paper doll. Jack smiles and says that he’s going to need a little help from her.

 

Hey Dad, how about getting your kid a Barbie like a normal person?

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Side Note: For purposes of maintaining the integrity of this barely discernable storyline, I am going to assume that when Sophie silently holds up the Mom paper doll she is implying:

 

  1. I am good with everything you just said

  2. I’m okay with you dating again

  3. Please date my teacher

  4. We are not moving to Miami (as I was informed yesterday that we were doing) and this is fine.

  5. I will stop looking for dead Mom because I will have Paper Doll Mom

 

Next, Lucy is jogging in the woods and she runs up to some rose petals that make a path on the ground. She follows them. Hopefully these are for her and not someone else since this is a public path. Oooh! Now the path has fake tulips stuck into the ground on either side. When the path reaches the road the rose petals and fake tulips suddenly stop.

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Even though the petal path stopped, Lucy finds her way to Sophie who is standing at the bottom of some steps holding a large flower.

Sophie doesn’t really say much since here comes her Dad holding a coconut mocha whatever coffee which he gives to Lucy. Sophie says she will go wait in the car so they can talk.

 

Let’s stop at this point to discuss a few things;

 

  1. Why do the petals stop at the road? Is she supposed to call an Uber? Did Jack change his mind? Since Lucy ends up crossing the street and going down some steps to find Sophie I am going to call “continuity error” on this one and move on.

 

  2. The Group Consensus here is that the whole petal path thing is more of a proposal move; and is an uncomfortably over-the-top gesture for a guy that you aren’t even dating yet. 

 

  3. Jack has chosen to do this when Lucy is all sweaty and gross from running. If this happened to me, for sure I would be thinking, “Thanks for asking me out when I’m at my peak of disgusting.”

 

  4. Sophie’s presence is confusing since she doesn’t really do or say anything. And why is she standing there holding a large flower which she never gives to Lucy, but just takes it back with her to the car? Weird right?

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Jack apologizes and says he is not running away anymore and kisses her Hallmark-style, (one and done - we’re good till marriage). He says, “If you’re free later, Sophie and I have a little surprise for you,” and Lucy replies, “It’s a date.” Jack’s response? “Totally.”

 

What year are we in?

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Jack and Sophie take her to the garden at night to see a moonbow, which apparently is an actual thing.

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Then they make out in front of his daughter

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Summary:

 

Pros:

  • We get to see Jodie Sweetin again and she is always a fan favorite. She’s not my favorite, but for other people.

  • David Haydn-Jones was in Supernatural and I freakin’ love that show. That has nothing to do with this movie, but I don’t have a lot to work with here.

Cons:

  • A child thinks she’ll find her dead mother at the end of a rainbow? Pretty serious stuff. Did her Dad talk to her about it? No idea.

  • Lamest Ruby anniversary party ever. Do her parents have absolutely no friends?

  • Storyline was ho-hum. No comedic moments and just a lot of conversations about love and life - and obviously rainbows.

  • This movie did not inspire me to make a pasta dinner.

THE END

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Credits: All photos, unless otherwise indicated, have come from the Hallmark Movie “Love Under the Rainbow” which can be viewed on the Hallmark Channel

Vector Art Link: <a href="https://www.vecteezy.com/free-vector/rainbow">Rainbow Vectors by Vecteezy</a>