Snow Bride

Grade A

Screen Shot 2021-03-06 at 8.28.50 PM.png

Katrina Law – Greta Kane

Jordan Belfi – Ben Tannehill

My daughters and I love this movie. It’s been on our DVR since it first aired in 2013. However, that doesn’t mean I’m going to hold back during this review. So, come on Snow Bride…bring it.

 

We start out in a coffee shop where our lead, Greta Kane, orders a decaf soy vanilla latte and a gluten free bagel. I am not sure what this order is supposed to say about her character, but off the top of my head I am going to assume IBS.

 

Hal, a creepy tabloid photographer who works with her at PULSE! Gossip Magazine, comes over, steals her breakfast, (he can have it), makes several passes at her, and then touches her hair and tells her it’s pretty.

 

Gross.

Here he is giggling as he shows her some stanky celebrity candids that are so nasty she has to turn the photo sideways to understand what she’s seeing.

Screen Shot 2021-03-06 at 8.56.47 PM.png

Yeah, we’re not going to mention Hal anymore.

 

Next, Greta is helping a girl named Doria try on a wedding dress. I don’t really know who Doria is to Greta, but I do know that the dress is terrible.

 

Coincidentally, Doria detests it as well, but since all the women in her fiancé’s family have worn it, she’s determined to follow suit, (or "dress” in this case). She says it’s a “love tradition.”

Screen Shot 2021-03-07 at 4.46.57 PM.png

After they both insult the dress for a while, Doria switches gears and starts to insult Greta’s job.

“Why do you work for that gossip rag? You’re Phi Beta Kappa from Stanford in journalism!”

Greta counters by saying that it’s really hard to find a prestigious job in LA with a journalism degree.

 

Side Note: Wait, I’m confused. So, because she can’t land a “prestigious” job, she takes the scummiest job on earth instead? Sounds lazy.

 

Smudge happens! Now the dress has a stain on it! Oh dear, whatever will we do?  (yawn.)

 

The wedding store people say they can have the stain out by tomorrow afternoon and Doria responds by losing her sh*t.

 

“Tomorrow afternoon! Kevin and I are meeting the florist for last minute changes! I do not have time to pick up this dress again!”

 

Side Note: All Doria can manage in the course of an entire afternoon is one meeting with a florist? This chick has a terrible work ethic.

Screen Shot 2021-03-07 at 4.50.32 PM.png

Luckily, Greta, her sister, friend, (or whatever), says she’ll pick up the wedding dress for her. Thanks Greta, you’re the best "whatever-you-are" I know!

Back at PULSE! Magazine, we get to meet Greta’s quirky, funny sidekick assistant, Jules.

Screen Shot 2021-03-07 at 7.30.19 PM.png

Greta tries to educate Jules on the rules of being a scummy tabloid reporter, “Look Jules, they sin, we report it, and we can’t feel bad for them. As soon as you start to feel bad for them, you can’t write about them anymore. These folks don’t deserve our sympathy.”

 

Side Note: So does this lack of ethics mean Greta is a jerk or simply misguided? I have no idea, but since this actress is literally the doppleganger for one of my best friends, I'm going to say she's just misguided. You can do what you want.

 

All of the sudden her boss's head pops up from behind a cubicle screen, and starts screaming for her and another  reporter. “Greta! Wes! In my office pronto!”

FYI I am not a fan of bosses popping up when you least expect it, (doubly so if it is only their head). Greta should quit immediately.

Screen Shot 2021-03-07 at 7.44.06 PM.png

Greta does not like Wes, her rival reporter at the magazine.

A feeling she hides well.

Screen Shot 2021-03-08 at 6.05.22 PM.png

Bossman tells them he needs a big story to help launch PULSE! Gossip online. He wants to run a scandalous article about the Tannehill family. So Greta and Wes race to give him what facts they know:

 

  "Senator Evan Tannehill was going to run for President, but then he died of a heart attack!"

  "His widow, Maggie, is big into philanthropy and has two sons Benjamin and Jarod!"

  "Ben had a big breakup with a socialite, Claire Sinclair, about a year ago!"

 

  Uh oh, Bossman looks bored...

Screen Shot 2021-03-12 at 2.41.50 PM.png

Then Bossman gives them both the following assignment: The Tannehills are going to be at their Big Bear estate next week for Christmas, and rumor has it that one of the sons has bought an engagement ring. Whoever gets the story first gets to run the new PULSE! Gossip online!

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 10.33.32 AM.pn

BTW, Wes’s mustache – real or fake?

Next we watch Greta at her computer, and we get some quick shots of PULSE! covers that are hilariously designed – and by “hilariously” I mean of course, “terribly.”

Who created this prop?

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 10.45.42 AM.pn
Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 10.44.12 AM.pn

Now we see Greta typing furiously on her computer, however what she is typing is a mystery because when we cut to her screen it’s actually full of photos of Ben Tannehill which require no typing at all.

These are just screen shots!

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 10.54.11 AM.pn

Later after the gym, she picks up Doria’s dress. She is putting it in her car when she gets a phone call from Jules.

“Don’t freak out,” Jules tells her, “but Maggie Tannehill arrived at Big Bear yesterday and Wes is already there!”

“What!” Greta cries, “He’s going to get my story!”

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 10.56.52 AM.pn

Panicking over this turn of events, Greta gets in her car and rushes to Big Bear in her stinky gym clothes.

 

Question: Impulsive, emotional and over-competitive? Or just an idiot? Let’s find out!

 

Uh oh! Pretty heavy snowfall in Big Bear Greta! Better be careful or your car might get stuck and then you’ll need to be rescued by your future husband!

 

Driving slowly through the falling snow, Greta talks to Jules on the car phone. This is how we find out that she is close to the Tannehill estate, that she has packed no clothes, and she has no place to stay.

I think I’m going to go with “idiot” on this one.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 11.00.37 AM.pn

Now the real sh*t hits the fan. First the car gets stuck in a snowdrift and she can’t push it out. Then she loses reception on her cell phone. Then her car dies.

Greta is muy, muy unlucky.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 11.37.16 AM.pn

Also, it looks like she neglected to fill up her tank before she left.

Hey, know what rhymes with “out of gas”?

Dumb*ss.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 11.39.52 AM.pn

To stay warm Greta gets Doria’s wedding dress out of the back, puts it on and starts to wander down the road. She trips over literally everything in her path, runs through thorns, falls into mud…

 

This is how dirty and ripped she gets the dress and she has only walked about 10 feet from the car behind her. Also, since Doria is much shorter than Greta, I guess the dress grew.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 11.42.17 AM.pn

At some point she falls, rolls down a hill, and lands unconscious at the feet of an unknown man. Well not that unknown…it’s Ben Tannehill …duh.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 11.45.25 AM.pn

She recognizes him right away but keeps it to herself. He asks her, “Let me guess, runaway bride?”

“Uh…runaway almost bride. I, um…I can’t talk about it.”

“So, what’s your name?”

“I’m Greta Kane…abel..stein..sky!”

Did she just say Rumpelstiltskin?

Why didn’t she just use her real name?

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 11.49.54 AM.pn

When she asks him his name, he responds “Just Ben” and refuses to elaborate.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 3.41.47 PM.png

He takes her back to his cabin but oh dear, the landline is down, and the cabin gets no cell reception! They are snowed in together! Poor Greta, could she possibly receive any more bad/good luck?

 

"Just Ben" gives her some of his clothes to wear, brings her some hot tea, shows her the guest room, and says they will take care of her car in the morning. As they chit-chat Ben continues to hide his identity and instead implies that he is the caretaker for the estate. 

Then they both awkwardly drink their tea.

What a bunch of liars.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 3.49.21 PM.png

Greta sees some papers on the table and nosily asks, “What’s this?”

Ben leans over quickly and gathers them up, “Oh its nothing,” he says.

“Nothing looks a whole lot like a book,” she presses.

 

Side Note: Holy moly, I hope her snoopy questions are just her doing her job, because otherwise Greta is annoying and I don’t want Greta to be annoying. I want her to be Elizabeth Bennet.

 

In response to her nosiness Ben just says goodnight and shuts the bedroom door in her face which is about what she deserves.

 

The next morning, he starts calling her Snow Bride. I’m betting he just forgot her name but either way it’s a lot easier than Kaneabelsteinsky.

 

“Just Ben” is right in the middle of making her a very strange breakfast of “just bacon” when Peters, an ambiguous sort of butler/family caretaker, arrives at the cabin. Since the phone lines are down, he’s there at the behest of Ben’s mom to ask him if he will be coming up to the big house for brunch.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 3.54.05 PM.png

Greta, hiding around the corner, overhears this conversation. Peters leaves and when she reappears, Ben comes clean with who he really is.

He also decides that they should both go up to the big house for brunch. How lucky can one tabloid reporter get!

Sweet crib.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 3.57.56 PM.png

Here she is wearing his men’s clothes.

At least they’re the same height.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 4.01.29 PM.png

He leaves her alone in the foyer, (which is odd), where she turns a circle in awe, although I don’t get why. I mean it’s a nice home, but it’s not worthy of a princess twirl.

Wowie! 2 floors! Open floor plan! Recessed lighting!

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 4.09.40 PM.png

Maggie Tannehill, (Mom from now on), enters the foyer and sees Greta standing next to some family photos holding a framed picture of Ben and his brother. For some reason she assumes that Greta is a delivery person which is strange since I’ve never found my UPS guy poking around in my knickknacks. #notaeuphemism

Is it just me or does Mom Tannehill looks a tad grumpy?

Close your mouth Greta.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 4.13.32 PM.png

Ben comes down and gives his mom a hug, completely ignoring Greta’s presence. The two chit-chat for a moment, and then Mom tells Ben that his brother should be arriving any minute with a “mystery guest.” Peters enters the foyer as well and greets Ben. Greta is invisible to everyone apparently.

Jarod arrives and guess what? His new girlfriend, Claire Sinclair, is Ben’s ex fiancée! Awkward!

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 4.49.33 PM.png

Ben is absolutely stunned!

Here, I’ll point it out in case you can’t see it.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 4.52.59 PM.png

All of the sudden Jarod notices Greta in the background and says, “Who are you? Then everyone turns to her and says, “Yeah who are you?”

Thanks for the help here Ben.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 4.56.21 PM.png

"Uh, I’m Greta Kaneablesteinski and I’m..”

"My date for the weekend!” finishes Ben.

 

WTF BEN!!!!

Here’s her expression…

Way to sell it Greta.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 5.01.20 PM.png

Right after his announcement, she and Ben run off to get a private moment to sort this out. Ben tries to apologize for his impulsiveness, but Greta is super amped up. “Your brother brings your ex-girlfriend home for Christmas without telling you? NO! We are not letting them get away with this!”

“I don’t know your brother at all, but seriously…what an a-hole!”

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 5.06.00 PM.png

“So you want to help me?” Ben asks.

“Hey, you saved my life. Helping you with this is the least I can do!” (Actually, helping him is going to further your career but hey, whatever.)

 

Then Greta takes total control over their lies. Almost like she was a professional at it. “Okay, we’re a new romance and we just need to work out the basics.” 

I’m an Aries! Only child! Orphan! Raised by my Nanna! Stanford grad!

OMG, I need to breathe into a bag!

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 5.34.39 PM.png

Then she quizzes Ben on his story. Better get it right Ben!

“Ben, what’s your favorite food?”

“Italian?”

“NOT GOOD ENOUGH! That’s everyone’s favorite food!”

“Indian?”

“It’s Chicken Tikka Masala Ben! CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA!”

“Chicken F’kin Tikka Masala.”

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 5.41.47 PM.png

“Okay where did we meet?” she continues.

“Beverly Hills. Your car broke down and I came to the rescue.”

“Where did you go to school?”

“Harvard.”

“Of course you did. And one more thing...”

“What?”

Surprise smash kiss!

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 6.08.58 PM.png

Greta explains the kiss, “Fake dating at Christmas means that we’ll probably find ourselves under the mistletoe at some point, and if that was our first kiss people would know.”

 

Huh? Whose judging people’s kisses under the mistletoe? This is dumb.

 

The next scene is brunch where Greta and Ben practice lying some more, but honestly, I wasn’t paying much attention since Jarod’s wardrobe was just too distracting.

 

Poor Jarod is wearing a flannel shirt with a heavy white sweater and an ugly wool jacket inside a house that it is assumed will have heating. Holy Armpits, it’s got to be all juicy up in there right now.

For the love of Pete, can someone open a window for Jarod?

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 6.13.59 PM.png

Greta explains her lack of luggage by saying that Ben just spontaneously “swept her away,” so Mom offers to take her into town to buy what she needs. Claire invites herself along.

 

Later, as Mom, Claire, and Greta walk thru town, Mom asks for their help baking items for a children’s charity fundraiser the next day. Greta offers to make gingerbread cookies and Claire brags about studying at Le Cordon Bleu in France.

 

They separate to do their individual shopping and Claire notices a gingerbread house on display in a bakery window which gives her an evil brainwave! She can pass this off as her own creation without even lifting a finger!  

 

Side Note: Claire sucks.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 6.32.13 PM.png

Meanwhile Greta calls Bossman to give him the good news that she’s on the inside. This is going to be juicy! (But not juicy like under Jarod’s clothing).

“I am in there like swimwear.”

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 6.35.36 PM.png

Greta and Ben are talking in his bedroom when Peters enters with Greta’s shopping bags. Oops! The assumption is that she’ll be sharing his bedroom, so now they need to share the same room! But no sex.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 7.13.56 PM.png

Next scene: Gingerbread cookies!

 

Here is Greta showing Ben how to roll dough, or more accurately, destroy it. So, these two people went to Harvard and Stanford and they can’t make a cookie? Humph, I bet they Huffman’ed their way in.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 7.18.50 PM.png

Love over the gingerbread board.

(maybe the sequel?)

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 7.23.55 PM.png

Mom, Peters, Claire and Jarod all enter the kitchen to check out the cookie making. Claire tells everyone that she’ll be making the gingerbread house after everyone has gone to sleep like some weird Keebler elf. Then she insults Jarod because he is a stockbroker.

This chick just keeps getting better and better.

 

Oh, here’s Greta randomly finding Ben manuscript lying around and then reading it. Again, is she just doing her job, or is she really this nosy and intrusive?

This must be what it’s like to date Nancy Drew. I predict she’ll hack all his email accounts and scrutinize his phone records, all while solving the mystery of the haunted wedding dress.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 7.36.55 PM.png

Ben comes in and catches her. At first he’s pi**ed, but after she tells him that it’s really good he turns into a big puddle of happy.

They discuss his writing and Ben admits that he has hidden this part of himself from his family because, “Tannehills aren’t novelists.”

 

The next day they are all at the Children’s Charity Fundraiser. Here is the gingerbread house that Claire bought. Sorry, but this is horrible.

If you ignore the fact that it is collapsing,

then it just looks like someone sneezed all over it.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 7.41.58 PM.png

And once again the wardrobe department has dressed Jarod terribly.

Hey Oliver Twist, your Grandpa wants his jacket back.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 7.53.27 PM.png

Greta sees Wes at the fundraiser, freaks out, and pulls him into a janitor’s closet. They sort of kind of call a truce, and as they both exit the closet, we get this weird shot of “Evil Claire” watching them.

This shot is weird not because we’re surprised Claire is evil, we’re just surprised Claire is evil next to a giant Nutcracker.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 7.58.35 PM.png

Greta watches Ben throughout the day interacting with all the kids at the event and tells him. “Wow! You’re actually a nice guy!”

 

Side Note: Uh oh Greta! Don’t start liking him! If you like him, you can’t write about him! (Her stupid rule not mine).

 

They run into the rest of the group and the Mom happily tells everyone that they raised over 2,000 dollars!

 

Gee, I kinda hope the Tannehill family will at least match this - that is, unless their goal was to buy all the children one laptop.

 

Greta is talking to the family when her phone rings. Uh oh, it’s Doria checking in - time to lie some more!

 

“Hi Greta, did they get the smudge out?”

“They did…”

“Great! One less thing to have to worry about!”

“Uh huh, Um, I gotta go!”

 

Side Note: Okay, up to this point maybe we can rationalize that Greta needs to lie to do her scummy job, but now she’s lying to her sister/friend Doria, who may actually need to find a back-up dress for her wedding next week. Not cool Greta.

I’m going to pretend this is you talking to a pastor, a therapist, or your Mom about your lying because you need to get your sh*t straight.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 8.06.49 PM.png

After talking to Doria, Greta realizes that she and Ben have to get the wedding dress out of Peter’s cabin pronto or their cover will be blown. So she rushes pell-mell to the cabin, slips on the steps, fumbles with the keys and bursts through the door like her a** is on fire.

Oh no the dress is gone!

 

Side Note: C’mon Nancy Drew you’re a journalist right? Investigate!

 

She looks through the cabin with no luck and then stumbles upon some old letters. Not surprisingly, she reads them.  Surprisingly, Peters shows up like this…

This is a Hallmark Romance right? Not a Hallmark Movie and Mystery?

Because Peters is kind freakin’ me out right now.

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 8.16.52 PM.png

Greta apologizes for being a snoopy pants and Peters forgives her. He tells her he already found the wedding dress and has sent it out to be repaired and cleaned.

 

Side Note: Whew! Thank goodness Peters is a nice guy. You know Hallmark, you really shouldn’t shoot men from a scary angle as they loom over defenseless woman in their remote cabin in the woods …I mean, what is this, a Lifetime movie?

 

Greta finds Ben to tell him Peters knows about their ruse. They chat a bit and he ends up giving her his manuscript to read.

“Are you sure?” she asks.

 

Side Note: I find her hesitation here confusing since, if he simply lays it on a table and leaves, she’ll gladly read it behind his back no problem.

 

Shortly afterward, Jules calls.

“How goes your undercover life among the hoity toity?”

“They are not at all what I expected…their rich, but they are actually nice!” gushes Greta “And I’m actually starting to feel really guilty.”

Side Note: Holy Character Arc, Greta has finally displayed a redeeming quality. However, because we are two-thirds of the way through this movie, an Elizabeth Bennet she is not. Unfortunately, the best she can do at this point is maybe one of those chicks from Friends.

Here comes Santa Ben with bags of dresses and shoes for Greta!

(However, this Santa apparently doesn’t knock first when entering a ladies bedroom).

“Ho! Ho! Hope you’re dressed!”

Screen Shot 2021-03-09 at 9.28.57 PM.png

He tells her that her car is fixed and then asks if his story is cheesy.

Is it cheesy?

Screen Shot 2021-03-10 at 6.28.22 PM.png

No, but that sweater is.

 

No surprise, she tells him his story is beautiful and blah, blah, blah.

Ben then invites Greta to accompany him to a Christmas Charity Ball that evening. Obviously, she has no formal clothes to wear and instead of taking her out to buy a gown that fits correctly and is of the color and style she likes, he has just picked out a bunch of dresses and shoes in the colors and styles he likes.

 

Good luck with that.

 

Side Note: Be sure to notice that at the end of this conversation during a close up of Greta’s face, the background music (Silent Night) will get overly loud and piercing for just the one last word of the song,

“N-I-I-I-I-I-GH-T!”

Honestly, it’s so terrible you might actually enjoy it. However, if you own a dog they will not.

 

Of course, in the next scene Greta kills it in a dress tailor-made for her that she never even tried on:

Screen Shot 2021-03-10 at 6.33.23 PM.png

Ben stops in his tracks when he sees her and says “Wow.”

How literate.

 

Oh dear, Wes crashed this event too! I got to give this guy more credit. Even though Greta is literally living with the Tannehills, his hard little tabloid heart just won’t give up the fight.

Screen Shot 2021-03-10 at 9.55.14 PM.png

Claire sees them talking and spies on them like a weirdo.

Look carefully and you’ll see her head.

Oh just forget it, here I‘ll show you…

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 7.02.26 PM.png

Claire asks around and finds out that Wes is a reporter from Pulse! Magazine. Better watch out Kaneabelsteinsky!

 

Then she catches up to Greta and delivers one of the dumbest lines I have ever heard from a female villain.

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 9.21.19 PM.png

Evil Claire asks Ben to dance and Jarod watches uncomfortably, which is understandable since Claire uses the opportunity to make a pass at his brother.

 

Sorry Claire, we don’t mean to interrupt your hitting on Ben, but his brother - you remember Jarod right? - would like to propose to you now.

Oh sh*t.

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 9.30.43 PM.png

Mom, of course, couldn’t be more thrilled.

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 9.33.40 PM.png

Following the proposal, Ben rushes out of the room and Greta follows to see if he is okay. He says he is fine and then asks her to dance with him in the lobby to absolutely no music. (?????)

 

“Why did you break up with Claire?” she asks him.

“After we started dating my name began to appear in the gossip pages like crazy. Then I knew she was using me. Using my family to create her own celebrity.”

 

Uh oh! I spy mistletoe! And they kiss.

Although I must say…Greta looks like she’s pretty much unconscious.

C’mon sleeping beauty…wake-y wake-y.

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 9.46.04 PM.png

After the kiss Greta pulls away and runs off upset and guilt-ridden. However, I am confused as to where she is going since Ben already ran off upset to get to this location. Is there a secondary location to run off upset to?

 

Next we see her violently tossing and turning in bed so I guess she ran back to the house. Hold on though, isn't she sharing this room with Ben? Is he in the room watching her flipping all over the place right now? No idea.

 

Finally, since she can’t sleep, she goes outside on the balcony and runs into Mom Tannehill.

 

“You care about Ben don’t you?” Mom asks.

“He is such a good person. He’s not at all what I expected,” she replies.

“I can’t believe that both of my sons have dated Claire and now one is engaged to her – that’s what the tabloids will say,” and Mom looks discouraged.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad,” says Greta, “It usually takes something more salacious to get people’s attention.” 

“Like Claire having also propositioned my husband?”

Greta looks shocked, “How did you find that out?”

“I saw her. And I saw her rejected. And I watched Evan escort her to the door never to return, or so I assumed.”

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 9.53.13 PM.png

Greta finishes Ben’s book and loves it. She calls Julia to tell her (and us) that she sent the manuscript over to a friend at Warner Books for feedback without telling Ben.

 

Side Note: I would comment about her overstepping here, but I think we all get by now that “heart of gold” Greta also happens to be an excellent liar and somewhat of a buttinsky.

Oh boy! The sh*t’s going to hit the fan now!

Claire found out who she is!

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 9.56.48 PM.png

In the next scene Greta and Ben are teasing each other in front of the television and they get into a playful wrestling match - the trademark Hallmark near-miss-kiss occurs!

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 10.30.10 PM.pn

The rest of the family and Claire join them and then Claire makes her big announcement. Greta is a reporter for a tabloid magazine called PULSE!  Her real name is Greta Kane! Suck it Greta!

J’accuse!

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 10.43.54 PM.pn

Jarod jumps in, confused, “But she and Ben are dating…?” but Ben immediately clears that up, “No, we faked that all because you brought my ex fiancé here without telling us.” Then he turns to Greta, “You were just using us to get a story?” He looks upset, (and by upset, I mean brow wrinkle).

 

Although Greta is horrified by this turn of events, she resolutely comes clean, “What Claire said is true. I was assigned a story based on a tip that one of the brothers had bought an engagement ring. I was assigned to find out what I could.”

“And what did you find out?” asks Mom T.

“That you are a wonderful family and that I had made assumptions based on my own prejudices and I was wrong. I am so sorry.”

You guys are so honest and pure! (snort, sniff)

I feel like I lied to a bunch of babies! (hiccup)

(Sniff, sniff, snot nose, one tear)

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 10.47.41 PM.pn

Ben, unmoved by her sniffs, coldly says, “You have the keys to your car…you can leave now.”

 

In other words, please pack your dress and go.

Side Note: Does anyone else find it odd that Ben is upset at Greta for lying when he has lied to her and his whole family this entire movie? He's not a caretaker, he's not her boyfriend, they never met in Beverly Hills when her car broke down, and they are fake sharing a bedroom. I'd call him a hypocrite, but the dude actually strikes me as more of a whiner. I vote all the girl characters just leave and find better men.

 

Greta returns home. She also returns the wedding dress, now cleaned and minus its voluminous sleeves, back to Doria. Doria is perfectly happy with the alterations since the “love tradition” has led Greta to her perfect man (a dishonest novelist).

In the next scene Doria encourages Greta to contact Ben but she refuses.

 

“His phone still works and he hasn’t called me so I don’t think he misses me,” grumbles Greta.

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 11.29.39 PM.pn

Then we see Doria’s eyes fall on one of her wedding invitations and she gets an idea….

 

Back at the Tannehill estate, Claire meets Ben in the gazebo and says she did what she did to Greta because she loves him. Then she tries to kiss him.

Hey Ben, why are you holding hands with your brother's girlfriend?

She already hit on you at the dance,

Just how stupid are you Ben?

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 11.33.15 PM.pn

Ben pulls back, (geez, finally) “Are we that interchangeable to you? You’re engaged to my brother.”

 

Side Note: Ben is beyond slow. I’ll bet you a hundred bucks part of Peters ambiguous job was keeping Ben and Jarod alive.

 

Now let’s jump back in to Claire making a strategically stupid move.

 

Claire: That was a mistake Ben. I never should have said yes to Jarod…I panicked. It’s been you it has always been you.

 

“Let’s be clear Claire. You need to leave now. I’m going to tell Jarod the truth – and when I do your last chance at being a Tannehill will be gone forever.” He turns to leave, and Claire loses her d*mn mind.

 

“You do not walk away from me like this! After everything we’ve been through? After everything that I’ve done for you! I hate you!”

Grrr. Kitty is angry. hiss! ftttt!

Screen Shot 2021-03-11 at 11.37.42 PM.pn

Ben: “But you just told me you loved me? And you’re engaged to my brother – which is it?”

 

“That’s a good question!” says Jarod from his hiding place crouching by a nearby tree. (huh?)

Screen Shot 2021-03-12 at 1.37.10 PM.png

“Oh shut up Jarod!” she says, “Like I’d marry a stockbroker!” And she throws the ring at him and storms off.

 

In the end, both brothers bond over the whole mess until Peters interrupts them to tell Ben he got a wedding invite from “Doria’s dress.”

Hmmm, interesting…

 

Now we are back at PULSE magazine. Greta is packing up her desk since she has either quit or gotten fired (no idea) for refusing to write the Tannehill exposé.

 

Just then who walks into the office but Claire and Wes! They are working together! Now Claire can tell whatever lies she want to!

Screen Shot 2021-03-12 at 1.44.01 PM.png

Greta drives back to the Tannehill family estate to tell them about this new development. Personally, I would have just picked up the phone but whatever…

 

She explains what Claire is doing and tells them to prepare for the worst.

 

Maggie Tannehill then surprises everyone by immediately calling Bossman to let him know the following:

 

  1. She is buying Pulse Gossip and will be taking the magazine in a new direction

  2. She wants Greta back at her job

  3. The story that Claire Sinclair contributed needs to be killed, (sadly, not Claire, just the story)

 

All’s well. Moms are the best! (And uber-rich Moms are even better!)

 

Then she looks at Greta and says, I had Peters do a background check on you after you arrived. We have known exactly who you are almost from the start.

Screen Shot 2021-03-12 at 1.49.27 PM.png

“So, you fed me that story about your husband?” Greta asks.

“Yes. If you ran it, I would know that you couldn’t be trusted. If you didn’t, then I would know that you could. Greta would you like to join us for dinner?”

 

However, since Ben doesn’t reiterate the invitation she refuses to stay. “Thanks, but I better go.” Then she stands up and gives Ben an envelope, “Please don’t hate me for this.”

She leaves and Ben opens the letter. “Greta submitted my novel to a publisher under a pseudonym. They want to talk about a contract!”

“Gee, now I can be a multi-millionaire and a novelist! Hey, Mom can I have a publishing company for Christmas?”

Screen Shot 2021-03-12 at 1.54.03 PM.png

“Congratulations!” says Mom.

“Does this mean you’re not going into politics anymore?” Jarod asks.

“It means I have a lot of things to consider, like the Tannehill name.”

 Mom says, “I think it will look lovely on the top of the best-seller list!” (And she can make that happen!)

Next Scene: Doria’s wedding –

Ben shows up in a clown suit. Greta says they should start over and she reintroduces herself with her real name.

Screen Shot 2021-03-12 at 2.22.59 PM.png

Ben notes that Doria’s wedding dress looks a lot better than it did when he found her in the snow and she claimed she was a runaway bride.

“Well, I was looking for a story, explains Greta, “but it needs an ending.”

“I have an ending.”

“You do?”

“I do.”

Slurp-smack-kissy-kiss

Good grief, Greta fell asleep again!

Can someone get this chick some coffee?

Screen Shot 2021-03-12 at 2.27.40 PM.png

PROS:

  • Katrina Law is very lively and fun to watch, and really the whole cast played their parts well. All except for Hal…he was useless.

  • This movie was shot with real snow and not soap bubble snow. I hate soap bubble snow.

  • Movie Message: Money can solve all your problems. (This is a pro right? Because it’s definitely not a con.)

 

CONS:

  • So…many…lies

  • Kane-abel-stupid

  • Whoever dressed poor Jarod

 

THE END

 

Credits: All photos, unless otherwise indicated, have come from the Hallmark Movie “Snow Bride” which can be viewed on the Hallmark Channel